SelfImprover.info

Last night I invited a gentleman out. He said no, because he did not want to drive on New Year’s Eve. I went out to dinner anyway because I hate the idea of being stopped in my life due to fear. But when I stop to think of it, the whole idea of New Year’s Eve is bizarre. A huge portion of society is afraid to even go outside, for fear that another huge portion of society- being drunk or high out of their brains- will kill, maim, or otherwise dismember them. In some ways my friend was probably more sane than I was, having self-preservation at the forefront of his mind. But there is a saying in the rooms of therapy (where many of us land after loving an addicted person.) The saying is that “360 degrees from crazy is still nuts.”

So on New Years Eve, we do our thing by staying 360 degrees away from New Year’s Eve, or by defying them all by risking life and limb to go out anyway. And they do their thing- drinking, drugging, driving, & fighting- which is 360 degrees from us. And we all think the whole experience of New Year’s Eve is pretty normal. Crazy, huh?

So now that the shouting is over, those of us who can still function today find a new opportunity to look at our life. Many of us make resolutions to lose weight, go to the gym, or start writing that book. (Hope springs eternal in the human heart.) And as for me, I settle in today to a place of reflection. I consider that it is time to be honest, to go with my gut- and even time to ‘out myself’ on something that I often hide as an addiction prevention specialist. And what I hide is simply this…

I want everyone on the planet to stop drinking and drugging.

There. I said it. It’s out. And I can heave a sigh of relief.

And I know that if you are like most of society, you don’t want to hear what I just said. You don’t want to have this conversation. And because of this, many of us who feel as I do clam up on the topic. We cop out, talking about moderation, slowing down, etc. etc. We say this even though many of us know perfectly well that moderation is impossible for ever-increasing numbers of society. We say this knowing that those numbers may someday in the very near future exceed the numbers of those who can moderate. We say this knowing that we can’t by any means pinpoint with any degree of accuracy who can and who can’t moderate.

But still we discuss moderation because we know you will listen to us if we say that. But you won’t listen if we tell you to stop. And this does not mean that current prevention efforts do not work- because they do, make no mistake. But obviously prevention of substance abuse and addiction would work a thousand times better if we stopped drinking and drugging. (duh)

The process as I envision it is that first those who could stop, would stop drinking and drugging. This would support those people who could not stop. They would not be alone. Society would have their back. They would seek and get the help they need. And after a while, most of the world would have stopped. And this in turn would make a huge impact on criminality, domestic violence, child abuse, homelessness, joblessness and almost every other major societal problem.

But despite the inherent sensibility of this argument, if you are like most of society, you don’t want to hear it. After all, if you’re someone who can stop, why should you stop? Why should you give up your glass of wine at dinner? It’s not your fault that they’re crazy out there. Why should you not have your Margarita? You didn’t do anything wrong. On the other hand if you are someone who can’t stop, you don’t want to hear the argument either. Why? Because you can’t stop. And furthermore you don’t want anyone to know that you can’t stop. So you too would like to shut me up. And most of you, for one reason or the other, would like to stop this conversation. You would prefer to think that this woman talking to you from a minuscule little blog somewhere out in cyberspace is nuts, fanatical, and ‘off her rocker.’ Your first argument is that I am nuts because I think it is necessary for us all to stop drinking and drugging. (You say this as you sit on the couch on New Year’s Eve, wishing you were in Time’s Square watching the ball drop.) Your other argument is that I am even more nuts because I think it is possible for us to stop drinking and drugging.

And there you might have me. I may be nuts.

But crazy or not, I, like Martin Luther King, have a dream. And today is New Year’s Day 2010, almost 12 years from the day that I learned that my near suicidal thoughts and depression at the time were stemming from living with an active alcoholic. (The plight I call Second Hand Addiction) But it is a new day, with resolutions and hopes for tomorrow hanging tantalizingly in the grey morning air. And so I am indulging in my dream.

And in this dream I see people dancing around with lampshades on their heads, but they are not drunk. I hear them singing at the top of their lungs with their arms entwined, but they are stone-cold-sober. I see them dancing with wild abandon to heart-stopping music, but they are not slurring their words. I see everyone as I was when I was six, kicking their ballet-trained legs over other people’s heads with wild abandon- or watching, laughing gleefully at a friends’ wild antics. I see them hugging their friends right in public with bear hugs that pick them up off of their feet. I see people loving the experience of being alive. So that when I tell people to stop drinking and drugging, I don’t want to lessen the joy of people’s lives. I want to heighten it. I don’t want to take away, but rather to add. I seek to enhance good feelings in such a way that there is more fulfillment, and more downright happiness. I seek only that people replace the artificial pleasure of drugs and alcohol with the true pleasure of life. And that those who can do this easily, also support those who struggle.

Alcohol and drugs hit the pleasure centers of the brain, bringing us pure and unadulterated good feelings. Then they destroy us piecemeal, as people and as a society. We want good feelings, and there is nothing wrong with that. The only problem is that we turn to the poison of alcohol and drugs to get them. But as people find their joy in life instead of drugs they will find that this natural happiness is better by far than any other. And when we all find our pleasure naturally, we can go outdoors on New Year’s Eve without fear.

There are many powerful tools on my sidebar for helping people on their journey to true happiness and fulfillment. The Landmark Forum is one. Alanon and the 12 step programs are others. The journey does not happen in one moment. And the road may be rocky at times. But it is the journey of a lifetime. And it is the one journey that is worth taking. It is the journey to your life, your happiness, and your joy.